I have so much to tell you…

I’ve wanted to start a blog for YEARS. When Grant died I knew I wanted to write. I wrote in a journal mostly. I needed to process what I was feeling and what God was doing in my heart.

Over the years I’ve saved many notes on my phone. More like tons. It’s my go to place to save a thought provoking blog post. A meaningful song and its lyrics. A podcast I had to listen to 3 times because the message was that good. I can go back to it when the topic comes up in an engaging discussion with my husband or my best friend. It always amazes me how it feels to marinate on something. A scripture, a quote, and memory. I don’t think we give ourselves enough time to sit and reflect. We’re always on the move, searching for the next best thing to add to the catalog of experiences.

I felt the need to slow down pre-Covid days. But during shutdown I really started to pay attention to the longing in my soul for rest. It has many layers and I can’t wait to unpack that here, but first I wanted to share where I am currently. A lot of what is happening will need a backstory and I intend to share all that God is doing through this journey.

So, I have so much to tell you…in February I found out I have breast cancer. I was so scared to face a lumpectomy and radiation when the biopsy results showed DCIS. I was devastated when the results came back without clear margins and we had to decide to have the double mastectomy. The loss was so great. More on those later. When the pathology showed a tumor in my right breast that couldn’t be seen on any scan, we saw it as a blessing. To catch it early and have it removed. But the doctor went on to describe the tiny micro cells in my lymph node. After many more tests and scans, it was determined that I would need chemotherapy followed by radiation.

It’s the hard stuff. What they call the “Red Devil” because of its red color running up the iv tube into my port. I just had my second infusion. The process is peaceful as I can feel many prayers lifting me up to my Savior.

I lay here fighting back the nausea, days away from losing my hair. I want to praise Him in this storm. I need God’s strength to get through this.

I’m writing to get it out. I’m writing to help someone else on their journey through the storm. It may not be cancer, it may be another hard thing. But I know this - we are not alone. Jesus is in the boat with me (us) and with a word He calms the storm. He comforts us in our fear. He soothes our aching soul with his presence. He is near, if we can slow down and feel Him there.

I hope to write more. Some about this journey but mostly about how God has changed my heart and continues to sharpen me, molding me into who he has created me to be.

Will you stick around? I have a lot of stories to share.