God's Armor for Battle

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power

I am coming out of round 3. This chemo regimen is hard. There are no words that can sugarcoat it. The nausea is relentless and the fatigue slows my world to a crawl. That is the reality of it all, but what is happening inside my heart doesn’t reflect the trauma of what is happening to my body.

I know I couldn’t survive this journey without my faith and the people who love me. Even in the desperate moments when I am crying out for God to make it stop and I feel so low, I know He is right beside me, carrying me and hugging me and comforting me. I also know, that when I am too weak or drained to pray, my community and family are carrying me in prayer too.

I have had too many texts, calls, and visits to count the number of times my community has shown up and carried me when I couldn’t stand myself. We aren’t meant to travel this road alone. God has placed people in our lives, sometimes just for a season, and sometimes for a lifetime, to walk this road too. A friend reminded me recently that in the heat of the storm, God can handle the questions we have for him. “May the questions we have for him quickly remind us of who God is - sometimes we need godly friends to help us remember.”

When the enemy is attacking us in our weakness, our community reminds us of the truth of God’s Word, of His promises. God loves us. He is working all things for our good and His glory. His faithful love endures forever. I know this is why it is so important to read the Bible for ourselves. To store up the Truth in our hearts so we can battle the lies with truth, for ourselves and for those we love.

Our culture leans so heavily on self-reliance. If it’s going to be done right I have to do it myself type of mentality. This cancer journey has shown me again that I can’t carry it all alone. I need Jesus, I need my family, I need my community of friends and loved ones.

I remember a season of deep grief when I was in the pit of despair. Psalm 40:1-3 was my cry. “God raised me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.”

I need to be reminded of this daily. It’s a slow shift and not easy to catch but I’ll drift to self-reliance. I’ll forget all the ways God taught me to lean on him and to endure the race set before me (Hebrews 12:1). That suffering leads to endurance (Romans 5:3). That I can count it all joy when I face trials of many kinds (James 1:2-4). God has never let me down, he has never abandoned me or forsaken me. I am not alone. His steadfast love endures forever. When I am too weak to remember this for myself, the people God has put in my life will remind me, and I am so thankful.

How can I use these tears to sow a heart of joy? Only with God leading me. Only by remembering he hasn’t left me and has rescued me before, and will do it again.